If Wishes Were Horses

There are some advantages to being the editor of a blog. One is that I get to be dictator and trouble the poor souls who write in by editing their stuff (anyone who has any doubts about what a pest I am can check with previous contributors, who tolerated me editing grammar and sentence construction, but obstinately refused to let me insert my opinions in their articles) . The other is that I get to inflict my views on everyone whenever and however I want to. So here is my current wish list.

1. Google has an online competition in which they ask for submissions on what to do next. I win a million dollars. Actually that sounds a bit low, let’s make it ten million, what’s a million or ten to Google ?

2. All the ex-bosses whom I hate are involved in grisly, gory accidents. At the very least, they should get fever or chicken-pox or syphilis or something. Or be kidnapped by mad chimpanzees who want to do kinky things with them. (syphilis can follow)

3. Some totally cool company should woo me for a job. And promise me a huge salary. And a sign-on bonus. And encourage me to go with Odati on an Arunachal trek in April. And say that actually they don’t have much work for me to do till June, so would I mind just accepting the salary and not coming to office please ? ( I can just see myself thinking thoughtfully and then saying 'I'll think about it' as if I am doing them a favour !)

4. Thanks to Anita for sending me this important information – the Deccan Chronicle reports that the Bihar and Gujarat police have come up with a novel way of ensuring that young couples in love do not smooch in public. Anyone they catch smooching or cuddling will be forced to get married !!
Am hoping that when I visit Ahemadabad on 14th Feb, Abhishek Bachchan / John Abraham / Milind Soman will be shooting there. When I reach the sets, a scene where the hero has blindfolds on will be getting canned. Policemen will be witness when I smooch Abhishek/John/Milind and then they will force a shotgun wedding on us.
(Don’t even bother asking me why I don’t want the same scenario to unfold in Bihar, hero will be beaten black and blue, then there will be a shoot-out and hero will stagger to my side and put sindoor in my maang just as I breathe my last. Definitely not Bihar.)

5. I write a full article of more than two paragraphs without bullet points.

By,
Zenobia D. Driver