Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Stay for the Jokes !

It is the monsoon and through some momentary impetuousness I have made the brave decision to get out to break the Sunday fast. Not having the courage to drive myself in the deluge that is Bombay during these months, I decide to cab it. The daughter and I bundle ourselves and our dripping umbrellas into a rickety black-and-yellow, much past its youth, and I wonder whether it has learned how to swim. The cabbie is incongruously cheerful and the prattle pours out from him quite in tune with the pattering on his roof. He rolls the passenger window down to turn the meter to 'start' and puts pedal to the floor. Not that the effect can be perceived, mind you - back when this car was built, Rajesh Khanna was the new kid on the Bollywood block, and 30 kmph made you dizzy. So let's just say that we are away at speeds moderately higher than a brisk walk. We are about to venture climbing up the flyover that will take us to Matunga and delicious vada sambhar when an SUV, horn blazing, flies past us. I hear the full Doppler effect as the monster car comes from afar, catches up, and soon goes past. Right at the point of going past though, it steps right into a large puddle of rainwater. Before I could scream in surprise at the effect, the water is being sprayed - through the still open passenger side window, and all over my 'casual but chic' sunday clothes. I am drenched in stinking rain water from a puddle. And as I start yelling at the SUV, I realize it is a government vehicle, as I read the inscription on its back - Jan Kalyan Vahini - Namaste. (Public Good Vehicle - greetings!).

You are never too far from a good laugh here in India. Most of it is at the expense of unintentional comedians roaming our streets every day.

Just this other day, I am at an airport with a senior banker who has kindly offered to take me to the lounge based on his gold card, or some such. I am happy for the partial quiet and peace the lounge offers, so take him up on it pronto. My benefactor, after making sure I am comfortably 'lounging' away, makes a beeline to the coffee machine. He looks bemused at the many options on the machine and finally, decisively presses 'cappuccino'. The machine sputters for a few moments, pours out the drink and is done. My benefactor looks at his cup, grunts, and starts scanning around for an attendant. "What is this" he scolds the confused employee - "is this all you give in the name of a coffee? Why don't you guys get your machine fixed?" - And promptly sends the man looking for 'some real coffee'.

My favorite laughs are on signboards. Take the library I went to the other day, for instance. This is one of those places that rents out books 'two at a time for two weeks'. The books look like they were printed the weekend after Gutenberg got done with his thing. A musty smell is everywhere, and the odd yellowing page is fluttering away in the dead breeze of the fan. A borrower, probably not a regular, is looking at the section on 'English literature and poetry'. He doesn't look the type, so the snob in me is instantly on guard. Aha, I tell myself, unintentional comedy alert! Our friend looks at Tolstoy, Dickens and Faulkner, and finally decides on a James Hadley Chase. Funny enough, but the setup has more potential. So wait for it, I tell myself. 'Bhai sahab ...' he begins loudly as he addresses the librarian. 'Yeh kitaab kitne ...'. 'Shhhh!' goes the librarian, rolling his eyes at the uncouth customers he has to deal with. 'Shhhhh!', and points to a board hanging on one of the bookshelves. 'PLEASE MAKE SILENCE'. Ka-Chinnnnggggg!

Then there are signs that truly intend to be funny. But somehow their writers seem to have gone just a little offbeat with their message. Take this one for instance. Driving down Bandra, my favorite Bombay suburb, the other day, I notice a firm that is engaged in the unfortunate but quite necessary services of post mortem arrangements. 'XYZ', the board proudly proclaims, and for those who were fortunate enough not to have had a past acquaintance with them, it boldly states what it offers - 'FUNEREAL SERVICES!' (Yes, no typo there. And the exclamation mark is decidedly not mine.) Now, the owner probably bought too large a board, and saw that there was still a lot of space that he could fill out. Why waste good real estate, I say. Let us just convert these into advertisement billboards for our funny slogans. But how can you write a funny slogan to attract people to a 'funereal' services company, you ask. See, that is why you weren't hired for this job. Here is how - "GRAVE PROBLEMS - NOW RESURRECTED!"

I was at a furniture shop yesterday. We looked at some piece, the guy gave us a price, we ignored him, gave him a completely made-up price from the top of our head, and told him about three other competitors who were ready to give us the product for said made-up price. He is more than happy to jump into the conversation, and gives us five reasons why this product is just not comparable to anything else on the market. "That teak is only for termites sir! This here is top quality material. I made it myself, with my own hands." We go good-naturedly back and forth for a half hour before it is time for us to leave. "I will let you know" says my wife to him, as she gathers her stuff. We are on our way out when I notice this gem right behind the"own hands" guy - "Customer is a KING" the sign grandly, if somewhat ungrammatically, states. "And a KING never bargains!"

Incredible !ndia - Come for the casket, stay for the jokes.

By,
J
(J blogs at http://brickandrope.blogspot.com)

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Catching up with an old friend - reply

I like the untidiness
The newspapers look well read,
The books lying where I saw them last
Maybe the familiarity makes me feel comfortable
I’m growing old you know

Remember, I’m a coffee drinker
Though I rather like the tea you make
Or the fact that you make it with the mint leaves
Can you make it black?
I’ve given up milk these days – it’s an experiment…
(In exactly what I’m not sure anymore)

Let me share with you my favorite songs
Many from the past, they will come back to you,
Some are new,
I will let the lyrics do the talking
To tell you how the time has been since we last met
Where life has made me go and made of me
Might do better than the words I will speak…

Tell me , how it has been
I want to know a little more about your story
Before I leave, who knows when
We will have this afternoon to share again
The two of us with this cup of mint tea,
In this sunlit untidy living room of yours.

By,
Soma

Friday, January 14, 2011

Catching up with an old friend

Welcome in,
Ignore the untidiness -
I haven’t changed much, you see.

Make space
Toss newspapers aside -
Always room for you here, somewhere.

Do you like tea ?
Or filter coffee ?
Some memories have faded with time, and age.

Listen to music
And slowly unwind,
Let’s not catch up with each other’s lives, not yet.

A remark
Or two, stray details,
Meandering conversation, so content.

By,
Zen

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Requiem

Read this article by Salman Taseer's daughter yesterday. Thought it worth sharing.

Regards,
Zenobia

Monday, January 10, 2011

Review of ‘The King’s Speech’

Yesterday, on a snowy and confusing day, I watched ‘The King’s Speech’. It did me a lot of good.

Directed by Tom Hooper and having Colin Firth cast as George VI, it is a personal story of the current Queen Elizabeth’s father. Actually, one aspect of her father, his speech challenge and how he finally overcomes it with the assistance of his wife - played by Helena Bonham Carter, who helps him to find a speech therapist.

As an aside, the movie reminded me of- in the most obvious way, ‘The Queen’ which was enacted superbly by Helen Mirren. Anyhow, that is quite another topic.

Getting back to ‘The King’s Speech’, let’s get the story out of the way. The film starts with a scene where The Duke has been asked to give a speech on behalf of his father - he is standing in front of a large congregation of people and unable to even start. Tears well up in his wife’s eyes and that is the end of this scene, it effectively tells you what ‘the conflict’ in the story is going to be all about.

The broad framework of the story is about King George V who wants one of his sons to take over the throne; the younger brother, Duke of York (Bertie) is the preferred option, but has a stammer and this comes in the way of making a speech – which is the key form of communication with the people. From his childhood he has had the stammer and his father and brother have always made fun of this. Now he is sure he cannot change, more so when his father is pressuring him; even though his wife – a confident and pushy Elizabeth (enacted with panache by Helena Bonham Carter) - keeps fixing appointments with a multitude of therapists whom she seeks out from time to time. One even makes him do crazy things like putting marbles in his mouth and read, needless to say nothing works.

Nothing seems to work, that is, until she finds this therapist from Australia named Lionel Logue (played by Geoffrey Rush) and convinces her husband to meet with him. He is someone who works on his own terms in his own office on his own principles with his very own methods. He refuses to bend the rules even for the Duke of York (which is what Colin Firth is for most part of the film). Geoffrey Rush has his own value system including keeping the confidence that the Duke is his patient from everyone, including his own wife.

When teacher and student meet there is initially a clash of words, the Duke not being treated in the way he is used to, Logue not agreeing to bend his rules. A number of witty and humorous exchanges follow (the dialogues are very English as is the wit!) and finally the Duke stomps out, irritated and giving up yet again. Only this time he has been given an LP that recorded him reading from a book while having on headphones playing loud western classical music.

Obviously this record appears subsequently when the Duke is having a frustrating quiet moment to himself, and he is astounded to hear himself speak almost without a single stammer or pause that usually intersperse his speeches.

This takes him back after some deliberations and days, to train with Dr. L. This now forms the most interesting part of the movie – as L systematically treats him in a holistic manner, peeling the layers off to find the story behind the stammer. Most problems in life that are treated turn out to be only symptoms till someone peels the layers off and finds what lies within. I learned for example that no child is ever born with a stammer, it develops sometime in childhood and is usually linked - as in this case too – with certain other life issues.

Over time, Dr. L and Bertie realise that from being therapist and student, they are becoming friends. However, sometime later, they have a bitter debate that ends with Bertie marching out of L’s life saying this is treason. Meanwhile, events in the land have moved on. After King George V’s death, David becomes King and then has to abdicate as he must marry his twice divorced American love; he makes a speech to that effect relinquishing the throne to his younger brother Bertie, who chooses to be called King George VI to maintain continuity with his father’s times. You can then see Bertie getting overwhelmed with the responsibilities and state of things as they are, in a moment of weakness he is even seen to break down crying in front of his wife one day. Quite a thing for the English royalty I say!

It takes a while for the new King and L to find each other and apologize (both do) and then all is well. It is 1939, Bertie must now deliver a speech about going to war and inspire patriotism and unity amongst people …and now comes the crux of the movie. This speech is to be on live radio with no scope of editing or cutting. And all L’s training sessions will be now put to the test. The King is awfully nervous and in the last one hour whilst rehearsing with L in the room, he just can’t seem to get it right, his stammer comes in the way and he needs all the help.

To me the essence of the film and the relationship they share (that far exceeds therapist and student) happens in the dialogue moments before the King is to deliver his important speech. L says “Have faith in your own voice and know that a friend is listening”.

It is a feel good essence, takes you back to a space you once knew where people cared beyond the surface level to go within and understand the core, where people had a knowledge beyond the superficial, where they applied common sense and not text book medical theory and most of all when people had the time, will and ability to be good people.

And this is the moment that might bring a tear to the corner of your eye as it did to mine…isn’t that what we all crave, when we feel a little rocked, a little confused, someone who can remind us to have faith in our own voice and the reassurance that a friend is listening.

Colin Firth and Geoffrey Rush have chemistry that on screen romantic couples can seldom boast of, Helena Bonham Carter does a fine job too. The dialogues are well written, the direction obviously great. This movie has a soul that makes you feel warm on a cold evening.

Watch it – for the outstanding performances, well written dialogues and for friendship’s sake.

By Soma