I wrote this post some time ago, but was wary of exposing my unpseud yearnings - until I read this article by Shobha Narayan in the Mint Lounge yesterday. Now that she’s come out of the closet, I feel less embarrassed about admitting to my unusual automobile ambitions.
I have always felt that the sturdy ol’ Ambassador was the perfect car for me. I want to be able to drive without worrying about whether I am too close to the next car, the pavement, or the road divider; hence my car has perforce to be one that can take the force of impact and minimize injury to me. Another advantage of an Amby is that every once in a while, I could indulge my evil side by gently nudging aside a shiny new Merc or BMW without caring a whit about what happens to my car. While their owners would worry about the damage to the majestic visage of their car, I could whistle nonchalantly as I drove away - amongst a hundred scratches on an Amby, who minds adding one more ?
But then I read these articles a few months ago about the luxury buses being converted into election raths for political leaders and my humble Amby level aspirations were instantly upgraded. Now I want a converted luxury bus from the JCBL factory in Punjab. Their ability to all but drive over other cars puts even an Ambassador’s sturdiness in the shade. As the green goblin says in this poem by Harold Monro,”Give them me.” How much fun I could have with one of these !
At the wheel of one of the JCBL luxury buses, I would literally be the ‘King of the Road’. No more gently honking at people who don’t give way, now I could pick up the microphone, switch on the election –strength loudspeaker and holler in chaste Bambaiiya, ”abbe oye, tuzhaaa aaiichaaa……” ! I might even have an advance rider on a motorcycle with a siren so that lesser cars could whimper in fear and scurry down side-streets for safety leaving a nice empty road for me to drive down.
During rush hour, I might still get stuck in traffic which would be a tad frustrating, but not for more than a few minutes as I switched on music, picked up a book and lounged on the sofa with a chilled Thums Up from the fridge. Maybe I would even watch a movie on the TV or catch up on the soaps. Occasionally I’d be nice and use the sound system for playing music to the poor plebs outside. On days when I was in a more extroverted mood, I could crank up the hydraulic stage and address the captive audience stuck in assorted cars and cabs through the loudspeaker system – it would beat even a blog for ease of inflicting one’s views on an innocent and unsuspecting public. I’d probably keep a long cattle prod with me too, in case anyone said anything remotely uncomplimentary or honked rudely – bzzzzzt – and they’d be fried.
So Shobha, if you gift me an Ambassador or a JCBL luxury bus this Diwali, I promise to gift you a blue autorickshaw in return. Happy Diwali !
By,
Zenobia D. Driver
