In One of My Moods

Ganpati Bappa Morya, Land ahead, its time to dock. And with flies in my stomach from last night's chicken at the office party, I descend on client land. Trooper (loud tone to general): No hostile reception, welcome with flowers while we are expecting brickbats, tujha aai chi. Courtmartialed am I, dare not, I am a Ghat and Raj will get back at you with a vengeance. Entering, I find people working, much like us, we in black suits and computer look like emaciated MIBs. I may not have the charm of Will Smith but by Dada Kondke's verve, when I spin, I turn Bhel Air's eye's too

Aside: Having learnt the art of building bridges, your truly sought to build one of out paper, Only while spinning the paper, my eyes chanced upon Urvashi, that lady of buxom breasts who spun on the floor as she spun them papers. I spun too and embroiled in paper, a sad state I was. Coy laugh, the bitch, what a setup. So anyways, abandoning all thought of spinning (on the ground or with paper) I continued to remain true to my roots. I am ghat and I am proud of it, WS can spin well so can we just like DK

So the enemy sighted, but what is this he comes in peace. Flummoxed, I hail on radio (damn these old machines always turn on at the right time). General, they come in peace. Courtmartialled am I, so you send another trooper in. Well so be, upon the word of Mata Hari, I shall betray thy fear like she betrayed lusting allies up in War. I tell you, these women, they always come good in my mind, Urvashi and now Mata Hari, what a wonderful day

So I come in peace too, O! erstwhile foe, what have you a marketing problem. You land these troops ala Normandy but you find the front unconquered. '43 it was I landed too, I shall tell you a thing or two of landing, marketing is like war I say and I am THE trooper. Have you heard of Raj of the Thackeray fame, well yours truly leads his Navnirman Sena

Aside: Pay commissions not forthcoming, Troopers turned to other means of income. While Generals lavished on themselves the spoils of war, troopers were left to decay. So why, why not like the IPL and By Yusuf, I am also Pathan ka baccha. Taken to the cause of Ghats (finding it profitable), I fight and rest my wounds on Zhunka Bhakar at eod ( a term originally connoting extinct or disappeared loyal troopers to the cause of the enemy, now meaning end of day!!)
We come in peace too Comrade. By MG (What you don’t know what that means, you sonova bicycle, recognise your father, he who spawned a billion). Strong sperm and what not, his brethren the enterprising Gujaratis

So I decide to be traitor and explain. My trooper comes and he comes with Powerpoint. My comrades from the dark suits sit in a room and Bang, they splash colours on a screen and then draw boxes and then by my smoking guns they come up with some names. By Ganpati, I have sworn, once in a Night Queen, sitting on a damsel's lap, I used to be light those days, I saw the general cooking up the colors, they came from the eye of the nautch girl. Ganpati bappa I said, to which I heard, "The answers in the girls' eyes. Let me draw her consumer portrait". Oh what debauchery. I learnt to enjoy it soon, my class of Ghats we are very corruptible

So there you go, that's Powerpoint in a nutshell, in a nautch girl's eyes it lies. Go my foe, before they release their weaponry, run and find that girl, Draw that portrait and get learn effective landing

And May you win

Ganpati Bappa, Court martialled. By Sivaji, we never were nor ever shall be courted be your pardon, court martialled

With due apologies to G V Desani for use of his Contraro style of writing

By jove apologies over
Anonymous

Dishoom Dishoomm

Hi All,
Thought of making a list of the best phillumi fight sequences. But could not get beyond fifteen, even with help from my friends. Hence this post, an appeal to shore up my ageing and fading memory. The combined list follows, do add a comment with your contributions / corrections :

1) The fight between Jet Li and the warrior called ‘Broken Sword’ in ‘Hero’
2) The fight between Jet Li and the warrior called ‘Sky’ in ‘Hero’
Both these fight sequences have amazing photography, and graceful – almost lyrical fight sequences. Loved the concept of a mental duel and how it was translated on-screen
3) The fight and chase sequence at a construction site at the beginning of ‘Casino Royale’
4) The Rajnikanth fight scene in ‘Sivaji’ in which the gun revolves halfway round a statue and then shoots at the villain – this sequence is remarkable for pushing the boundaries of a farcical fight scene, especially since it occurs in between a song sequence !
5) The sequences in ‘Matrix’ – though we cannot think of any particular one to highlight
6) The ‘Roadies’ bickering on MTV – especially when they are voting out one of their fellow travelers
7) Since we are including telly warfare, how about the saas-bahu wars - the unending saga of quivering eyebrows and flaring nostrils
8) The Fight in ‘Kill Bill’ where She kills 84 people in one sword-fight
9) Fight in Dharmendra starrer ‘Maa’ between the tiger and Dharmendra; If we're going to include tiger fights, why leave out the one in Mr Natwarlal which has the Tiger, Amitabh, and Rekha.
10) If we're going to include animal fights, why not the fight for the cockroach in Mr India?
11) Any fight in ‘Wanted’, but particularly the "training" sequence where this new assassin-to-be is taught how to curve a bullet around any obstacle his target might choose to hide behind (for those who haven't seen it, the answer is "instinct". (For those who are upset I let it out, trust me, you don't want to watch this movie. Although it would make you appreciate the gritty realism of Rajnikanth movies. Plus you get to see Angelina Jolie's butt-double))
12) Amitabh and Vinod Khanna in ‘Amar Akbar Anthony’
13) Amitabh and Ranjeet in ‘Deewar’
14) ‘Goonda’ – fight scene during the climax – most surreal of all fight scenes, staged in a warehouse, where the ceiling has cots hanging from it, each cot has a whore, and each baddie after getting beaten up gets tossed onto one of the cots (actually ‘khatiya’ more than cots)
15) the Ajay Devgan fight at the end of ‘Gangajal’

By,
Zen,
With contributions from Venky, Anita, Rohit, Sachin, Ro, Speck42